Full Moon / Full Body Healing

FULL BODY HEALING

some full moon times are so potent. so available. so smack-you-in-your-face, submerge you completely, can’t shut it off, can’t turn away. 

other moon times are less… of that. almost like they can slip past you if you aren’t paying attention. 

maybe it’s the season of yourself. maybe it’s more.

this full moon has been drowning me for days.

everything is sopping wet.

i am underwater.

as i write this i’m in the bath. and wondering to myself, why haven’t i been in the bath all week? why haven’t i done just that: let myself be submerged. like you do as a child. plug your nose and slide under. it’s quiet. it’s still. in a thousand and one ways, it’s just what i need.

there’s a theme here, for myself, around doing things that need to be done. not in the way the dishes need to be done, or the laundry needs to be done. but like that conversation you’ve been meaning to have. it needs to be had. that realization the you need to let really land. it needs to land. there’s a real eye opening-ness to this whole moment in time. it’s a very 8 moment (magic square reference).

i find myself being with myself in a new way. i find myself different than i was.

winter does that, doesn’t she?

i find that I’m older. more mature. more myself. more myself than i could have imagined. and there’s a part of that that’s very scary. because by being ourselves we have to become ourselves.

this week i’ve felt a big i’m claiming myself moment. like, maybe for the first time this season, i’ve let that transmutation occur. winter morgan into spring morgan, who is not autumn morgan and certainly not last years summer morgan.

i drew the death card yesterday. some part of me - i think - was expecting it. but like it does, the death card hits you in your gut. there’s no messing around. the message is clear. what needs to be cut? what isn’t working? stop pretending. the end is here.

i keep reminding myself that it’s okay to be this way. whatever way that is. claiming that you’re in pain. claiming that something is hard. claiming that suffering is occurring. claiming that you’re going through a healing - a full body healing. standing strong in your vulnerability. not having the answers. but being in the process and saying “i’m in the process” - whew.

today i met this sweet young woman at the grocery store. i had never seen her before. we started talking about flowers and she shared with me her memories of the garden her grandmother had. we were laughing together. we were feeling the moment together. i left that interaction knowing that in all those moments i opened to laughing with her, i was laughing with myself. in all those moments i gave her room to share about her experiences, her memories, what mattered to her, i was doing the same for myself. 

i’m reminding myself that things can hurt and they can also be the right thing. i’m reminding myself that growth is painful. i planted lily and dahlia bulbs today. i wonder now, with tears streaming down my face, how they’ll do. they’ll do just fine. they know what their destiny is. they trust the path laid out before them. it rained this evening and i knew it was all the way it was supposed to be. they’re watered. they’re tucked in. they’re strong too.